笑话指能引人发笑的谈话或故事,篇幅短小,故事情节简单而巧妙,往往出人意料,取得令人捧腹的艺术效果;笑话大多揭示生活中荒谬的现象,具有讽刺性和娱乐性。小编精心收集了英语笑话大全爆笑，供大家欣赏学习!
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[1]
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out inthe Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[2]
He is really somebody!
" My uncle has 1000 men under him."
"He is really somebody. What does he do?"
"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "
他真是一个大人物!
“我叔叔下面有1000个人。”
“他真是一个大人物。干什么的?”
“墓地守墓人。”
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[3]
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。”
过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”
正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[4]
款待Treat
As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk. Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.
One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost. I tried to gain his confidence - I took him to the nearest ice-cream stand and bought him a cone. Time passed with no sign of the boy's parents, so the next step was to call for a patrol car to take him to headquarters. I told the small fry to stay put while I went to the call box. When I returned, he was nowhere in sight.
Within minutes, the car arrived, and one of the patrolmen asked me where the child was. I felt stupid; it's humiliating to say you've lost a lost child. But I told the officers what had happened and gave a description of the boy. "What did you treat him?" asked one of the men.
"An ice-cream cone. Why?"
"Because," answered the officer, "that kid lives only a few blocks from here, and you've about the fifth rookie he's conned for a treat!"
我是新泽西州大西洋城警察局的一名新警察。我被指派巡逻一条海滨的路线，几乎每天都能碰上与父母走散的孩子。
一天下午，我发现一个小孩独自站在那里，显然是迷了路。我先是设法取得他的信任－我带他到附近的冰淇淋摊给他买了一个蛋筒。过了很长时间，也没看见他父母的影子，所以我就准备打电话叫辆巡逻车将他送回总部去。我告诉他站在那里别动，我去电话亭打电话。当我回来时，却发现他不知道到哪儿去了。
警车很快来了。一名警察问我小孩在哪里。我感觉自己傻极了，说自己弄丢了一个迷路的小孩，该多丢人啊！但我还是告诉了警察们所发生的一切，并描述了一下小孩的长相。“你请他吃了什么？”一名警察问。
“一个冰淇淋蛋筒。怎么啦？”
“因为，”那名警察说，“那个小孩住的地方离这儿只隔几个街区。而你大概是新警察中帮他买东西吃的第五个傻瓜蛋！”
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[5]
Speeding 超速
Traveling salesmen make their living visiting as many customers as possible. So speeding to get from one appointment to the next is not unheard-of. Which is how I got pulled over by a highway patrolman. "Don't you ever look at the speedometer?" the officer scolded. Before I knew it, the truth spilled from my mouth. "As fast as I was going," I admitted, "I was afraid to take my eyes off the road."
因为旅行推销员为了谋生需要拜访尽量多的客户，所以超速飞车赶场对于他们来说也不是没有过的事情。有一次我就因为超速度行驶被一个公路巡警拦了下来。“你有没有看过你的时速表？”那名警官责问。当我的回答一出口，我立刻后悔了，但已经太晚了。“车开得越来越快”，我如实地说，“我的眼睛得一直盯着前面，没敢看别的”。
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[6]
Three Men in a Boat
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two. "Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends. "In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!" "Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
三人同舟 三位男子在公园的长椅上坐着。中间的一个在读报纸，另外两个在假装钓鱼。他们给想象的鱼钩上鱼饵，放线，并卷线把鱼抓上来。 一位过路警察驻足观察了这个景象，他问中间的那个男子是否认识其他两位。 “喔，认识，”他说，“他们是我的朋友。” “那样的话，”警察告诫说，“你最好把他们从这里弄走。” “好的.，警官。”那男子回答说，接着就开始疯狂般地做起划桨的动作来。
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[7]
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[8]
compliment
"larry! come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " i”ve just had a call from mrs. harrison about your behavior to her doris at the school dance last night. you wretched, rude boy!"
"i was nice to her, mum, really i was!" protested the youth.
"i even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
"did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "and what exactly did you say?"
"i said, gosh, doris, you sweat less than any fat girl i”ve ever danced with!"
恭维话
"拉里，你过来!"妈妈放下电话后生气地说，"我刚才接到哈里森夫人地电话，她告诉我你在昨晚的学校舞会上对多丽丝行为不好，你可耻，粗鲁!"
"妈妈，我对她很好，真的!"小伙子不服气地说。"当我和她跳舞时我还说了一句恭维她的话。"
"你真的这么做的吗?"妈妈严厉地问。"你的原话是怎么说的?"
"我说，啊呀，多丽丝，你比我跳过舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少!"
if i am a manager
one day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition.
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[9]
it's me all right
A pretty young lady went to cash a check at a bank. The teller examined it, then asked, "Can you identify yourself? “Looking puzzled, the girl dipped into her handbag and pulled out a small mirror. She glanced into it for a moment, then smiled, "Yes, it's me all right."
这就是我
一位年轻漂亮的女士到银行取钱。出纳员在检查了她的存折后问道：“您能证明您的身份吗？” 这个女孩听了这话以后看上去很迷惑，随后她从手提包里拿出一个小镜子。她对着镜子照了一会儿，笑了：“对呀，这就是我。
现在的专栏不用权限就可以任意加入了,但是也发乱七八糟的了.请在此发贴的人,看清楚了好不好?
英语笑话大全爆笑短的[10]
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"一名陌生人走进一家乡间小商店，看到玻璃门上帖着的一个告示牌上写着，“危险! 小心有狗!” 进去后，他看到一条样子一点都不凶的老狗趴在收款机旁边的地板上睡觉。 “这就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人问店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 听到这个回答， 陌生人觉得很好笑。“我觉得那条狗一点都不可怕。 你帖那个告示做什么?” “因为，” 店主解释说，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他绊倒。”
