英语笑话不仅能让您心情愉快，并且在娱乐的过程中还可以学到更多的英语知识。下面本站小编为您整理英语笑话爆笑。
两块蛋糕
Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
两块蛋糕
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
I do not recognize you
Walking on the beach one day he saw a crab1, went to see what happens, suddenly crab pincers(钳子) folder2, then crab bush run. Tiger jumped the pain, followed by the recovery of crabs3!
Catch up with no trees on the crab, and then to see a tiger in Shou Network spiders, tiger angry at Spider: Good you a crab! Do you think you posted on the Web and I do not recognize you!
一天老虎在沙滩散步，见到一只螃蟹，就走过去想看个究竟，突然被螃蟹的钳子夹了一下，螃蟹拔腿就往树丛里跑。老虎痛得跳起来了，紧接着就追螃蟹!
追到树丛就不见螃蟹了，这时老虎看见一只守在大网中的蜘蛛，老虎对着蜘蛛发火了：好你个螃蟹!你以为你上了网我就不认得你了!
A Smart Parrot 聪明的鹦鹉
A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.
有个人去宠物店买鹦鹉。在那里，他看见有只鹦鹉的左腿被红线系住，右腿则被绿线系住。对此他感到不解，于是他问该店的老板，老板回答说：“这只鹦鹉受过特殊的'训练。如果拉红线，它就讲法语，拉绿线，它则讲德语。”
这个好奇的人接着问，“要是我两条线都拉，会怎么样呢?”
“我就会掉下来了，你这个傻瓜!!”鹦鹉尖叫着说。
Not so fast 别那么急嘛
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(欢庆的) charity event was taking place.
Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.
"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"
"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."
一只猪和一只鸡路过一所教堂，那里有一场盛大慈善活动正在进行着。
在精神上收到触动的猪向小鸡提出建议：他们每个人作出点自己的贡献。
“好主意!”鸡尖叫道，“让我们给腿和鸡蛋吧?”
“着什么急”猪不耐烦地说，“对你来说，是一个贡献，对我来说，这是一个完全的献身。”
The boy and the snails 男孩和蜗牛
A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"
一个乡下少年到处寻找蜗牛，当他双手都塞满了蜗牛后，就准备点火烤着吃。火点着了，蜗牛也开始感觉到热了，他们纷纷退向坚壳的深处，同时还发出“咝咝”的噪音。男孩子听到了蜗牛发出的嘘声，便说：“你们这些连命都快没有的家伙，怎么还能有心情在窝里着火时吹口哨呢?”
Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩争论
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
一个小女孩和她的老师正在谈论有关鲸鱼的事情。
她的老师说：“一头鲸鱼从身体构造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一个人的。因为尽管鲸鱼是一种非常巨大的哺乳动物，可它的嗓子非常小。”
那个小女孩说约拿(一位西伯来先知)就是被鲸鱼吞掉的。
她的老师非常生气，她再次告诉小女孩说：“从身体构造角度来讲，鲸鱼是不可能吞掉一个人的。”
那个小女孩说：“那等我到了天堂，就去问问约拿。”
她的老师问：“那么，假如约拿下了地狱怎么办?”
那个小女孩回答：“如果是那样的话，你就去问他。”
