导语：爱笑的人，运气总不会太差，那么你喜欢笑么?这里小编收集整理了笑岔气的英语笑话，一起来看看吧!说不定能点中你的笑穴哦!
1 不要告诉她
Two twins went to the kindergarten.“Who's the elder and who's the younger one?” asked a nurse. One of them winked and said，“Elder brother，don't tell her.”
两个双胞胎走进幼儿园。“你们两个谁大谁小?”保育员问。其中的一个眨了眨眼睛说，“哥哥，不要告诉她。”
2 童言无忌
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm1) a mother was tucking her small boy into was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor2) in his voice，“Mommy，will you sleep with me tonight ?”The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring3) hug. “I can' t，dear.” She said.“I have to sleep in Daddy's room.”Along silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice：“The big sissy4).”
一个夏季的晚上，雷雨大作，母亲让小男孩上床钻进被窝。她正准备熄灯，孩子声音颤抖地问：“妈咪，你今晚可以陪我睡吗?”母亲笑着，拥抱一下小孩安慰说，“亲爱的，不可以。我得睡在爸爸的房间。”一阵长长的'沉默之后，男孩小声地用颤音说：“大胆小鬼。”
3 汤姆的借口
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
4 请假
Two factory workers are talking.
Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.
Man: And how would you do that?
Woman: Just wait and see.
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. After a while, the boss comes in.
Boss: What are you doing?
Woman: I'm a light bulb.
Boss: You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.
The man starts to follow her.
Man: I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
女人:我可以让老板放我一天假。
男人:你会怎么做?
女人:你就等着看吧。
然后她把自己倒吊在天花板土，过了一会儿，老板走来进来。
老板:你干什么呢?
女人:我是一个灯泡。
老板:你工作太多了，都发疯了。我认为你需要休息一天。
男人开始跟着她往外走。
Boss: Where are you going?
老板:你要去哪里?
男人:我也要回家。我无法在黑暗中工作呀。
5 谁是傻瓜 Who is stupid
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?" After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up. "Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked. The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
一天，一位大学心理学教授向他的新生们问候。他站在学生们的面前说：“如果哪位同学认为自己傻，就请站起来。” 大约过了一分钟，一位年轻人站了起来。教授说：“嗨，你好。你真的认为自己是个低能儿么?” 这个孩子回答道：“不是的，先生，我只是不忍心看着只有你自己站在这里。”
6 反击
The German poet Heine was Jewish. Once at a patty a traveler said to him: "I found an island where, to my surprise, there were no Jews or donkeys!"
Henie said calmly: "Well, this defect can only be remedied when you and I together go to the island!"
德国大诗人海涅是犹太人。有一次晚会上，一个旅行家对他说:“我发现了一座岛屿，令我惊奇的是，那个岛上竟然没有犹太人和驴子!”
海涅不动声色地说:“看来，只有你我一起去那个岛上，才会弥补这个缺陷!”
7 入口处
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条林荫道上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”。中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
8 猴子和跳蚤
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?
