英语要是不好，真的连笑话都看不懂哦!
1. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
程序猿的老婆告诉他：“你去商店给老娘买一条面包。如果他们有鸡蛋，你就带1打回来。”结果，程序猿回家的时候，带了12条长面包。
Hint：程序猿都清楚IF语句。如果条件成立，那么怎么怎么样。商店里面一定有鸡蛋哈哈哈。
2. A mathematician wanders back home at 3a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
“You’re late!” she yells. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”
“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
一个数学家在晚上3点时徘徊着回家，结果被老婆骂了一顿。
“你特么怎么这么晚!”她大喊道：“你说你会11点45分前回来的!”
“事实上……”这位数学家蛋定地回复到：“我说的是在‘12的四分之一’也就是3点回来”
Hint：a quarter是四分之一的意思，目测数学家今晚要跪搓衣板。
3. Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
你听说过诵读困难者，不可知论失眠症患者吗?哦知道，他整完不睡觉都在想世界上到底有没有“狗”的存在。
Hint：用一个很怪异的故事解释了这三个词的含义，典型的美式幽默，不正经地说一件正经的事情
4. You blew up your chemistry experiment? It’s OK, oxidants happen.
你做实验的时候炸了?没事的，氧化总会发生。
Hint：其实意思是说意外总会有的，英语中谐音oxidant=accident
5. Your momma is so mean… she has nostandard deviation.
你妈妈太吝啬了……一点均方差都没有。
Hint：mean另外一个意思是平均数，与standard deviation同为数学名词，用了双关
6. What’s the difference between anetymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.
语源学者和昆虫学者中间的差别是什么?语源学者知道差别。
Hint：etymologist和entomologist 两个单词读音非常接近但有不同，回答者鸡智地说研究词语来源的.语源学者知道这个不同点。
7. How many Marxists does it take to screwin a light bulb? None: the light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution
需要多少马克思主义者才能拧“上”这个灯泡呢?一个都不需要：灯泡自己有革命的种子(指灯泡自己会转进去)。
Hint：讽刺那些空谈家，自行百度Light bulb joke
8. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.
有一天，我朋友正问我irony什么意思，真是让人啼笑皆非，因为我们当时就站在公交车站上!
Hint：irony有两个意思，“讽刺冷嘲”和“铁的”。
9. A man is talking to God. “God, how longis a million years?”
God answers, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
“God, how much is a million dollars?”
“To me, it’s a penny.”
“God, may I have a penny?”
“Wait a minute.”
一个人对上帝说：“上帝啊，一百万年有多长?”
“对我来说，就像一分钟那么短。”上帝回答道。
“那……上帝啊，一百万刀到底是多少啊?”
“对我来说就差不多是一便士吧。”
“那上帝，能给我一便士吗?”
“稍等一分钟……”
Hint：哈哈哈哈哈，上帝说的一分钟可是一百万年啊……
10. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”
一个光子入驻酒店，行李搬运工问他是否有行李。光子说：“没有，我轻装便行的。”
Hint：light是即指轻的，又指光。又是一次双关。
